just a really mixed up love
by gal-from-the-'hood
Summary: hermione is secretly dating someone. he does something horrible to her and she is heartbroken. marriage law comes in and they have to get married. Harry in the other hand has got exiled from Europe for 3 years. WARNING character death. SSHG and HP? love
1. Chapter 1

-1

For the whole of her 6th year Hermione had been secretly seeing a man. They were both madly in love with each other. The only problem was that he was much older than her, old enough to be her father. But she didn't care, the only thing that mattered to her was his love and they didn't get caught.

She could describe their relationship in two words "mentally physical". Even though they loved to spend their afternoons under the bed sheets, they had created a way to combine the physical love with the spiritual love. They basically had sex and she read a book out loud with him hugging her tightly.

But when times came and she just didn't want to sleep together, it was then when they got closer. They would lie down in the couch with his head resting in her lap and her hands playing with his hair and just talked. Talked about their problems, their past, the things they liked, books, music, movies and some stuff from school.

Hermione loved his features, his body, his 6pac stomach and his strong chest. She also loved his eyes, black and deep that could melt her heart with just one look. His smile (even though he never smiled) that could cheer her even in the most dangerous of situations. His hair, long and black and his voice, silky, harsh and despiteful but extremely sexy. It all made her heart beat faster.

She could remember when they first kissed as if it was yesterday. He had been in the astronomy tower late at night looking at the stars when she came in crying over something he did not know. They had been in love since the beginning of the year but didn't have the courage to say so. She remembered him telling her off and giving her a detention straight away and she said she was sorry because she didn't know there was someone in the tower. He was going to give her a second detention when she noticed she was crying.

"Why are you crying Miss Granger?" he had asked her.

She just couldn't say so but gave him the letter she had in her hands.

"_Dear Miss Granger:_

_I am most terribly sorry to inform you that your parents have been killed in a muggle road accident in Oxford Street in London. They were taken to a muggle hospital but passed away in the journey. Their funeral will be done at your family's graveyard in Oxfordshire on the 25th of November. _

_Please accept my most noble sympathies in this troubled times ­for you and that I am always in my office if you are ever in need of someone to talk to._

_Yours sincerely_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_Headmaster."_

That was all that he could have read because all the tears in her eyes had made the letter almost unreadable. Severus Snape had lowered his head.

"I am sorry about your parents Miss Granger" he had said truthfully. "Maybe you think otherwise but I know exactly what you are feeling. You see, I too lost my parents at your age. You have my consent to stay in this tower till you feel better."

"Thank you sir" she said trying to dry her tears. She just couldn't so he gave her his arm. "go on, cry. I know you need it" he had said.

He had been right. She remembered how bad she had felt then and how desperately she had needed someone to hold her. She remembered hugging Severus tightly and cried until her headache had taken over her. She now could imagine how awkward it must have felt for Severus when she hugged him so desperately but she remembered how he had recovered quickly and how he had wrapped his arm around her telling her it was ok and telling her to cry her emotions out, that she would feel better afterwards. In that too he had been right. He had been so right about it that she had gotten all of her Gryffindor courage and kissed him.

She now could laugh about that situation now but before it had been something so incredibly stupid she had done. Severus had stopped the kiss immediately and she had said sorry and she had run. She remembered having got to the stairs when she heard her name behind her. She also remembered that when she turned her head she had received the best kiss she had gotten in her life. His lips had tasted like honey, amazingly sweet. She had taken a moment to recover herself before she had answered his kiss as passionately as he had.

She remembered how he had placed his hands in her hips and how she had hugged him afterwards when she knew he loved her as much as she loved him.

Now she laughed at their relationship then, when they were so unsure about how to behave keeping in mind that Hermione was still mourning her parents. He couldn't kiss her then, but they could talk about their worries. He had told her about his past and she had listened. They had told each other their most guarded secrets. He had learned to trust her and she had learned how to talk to him without him getting uncomfortable. She had learned how to get him to open his heart to her, thing that hadn't been easy. A month after their kiss she had finally gotten over her parents death and it was then when things really had spiced up.

One day they were talking in his room when an idea stroke her. She started kissing Severus passionately, he answered and she placed her hands in his chest and unbuttoned his shirt. He stopped and looked at her.

"Are you sure?" he had asked her.

She nodded.

And that might've been the best night in her life. Or that's what she thought at the time because she didn't know many more would come and some even better. The only thing she thought now is what a fool she had been then, how naïve, how stupid she had been by trusting her heart to him. Why hadn't she thought he might've gotten bored and gone to find something worthy of him? Why hadn't she thought that she couldn't please him enough? Why had she thought that she could have been the one that made him change, the one that would make him stay? Why did she have to let him take over her heart?

Tears ran down her face as she remembered how much she had loved him, where had it gone wrong? She felt as if her tears could fill a whole lake, as if someone had taken her heart and smashed it with a hammer and broken it in million crystal pieces, as if something had been taken from inside her, making it impossible for her to smile.

Her friends were cheering her up, or at least they were trying to. They knew he was a Slytherin but no one in the school knew who he was. The only one who knew was Professor Snape who "apparently was his next door neighbour". Yeah right, he had just said that so he could give her his love letters saying that his stupid boyfriend had told him to give it to her. They had said they lived in the same area, that's why he knew him. She laughed at the times they had lied about Hermione's boyfriend.

" Oh common Hermy, please tell us who is it so we can go and beat him up!" pleaded Ron. He had been asking that since an hour ago.

"Or at least tell us why did he dumped you" said Ginny, who was sitting next to her.

"He did not dump me" said Hermione. They all looked at her. "He cheated on me".


	2. What happened

**Im really sorry I haven't writing anything in a long time but you already know my reason. For anyone that doesn't know I moved from the UK to Chile and I couldn't write because my laptop has a mind of its own and hibernates everytime I write a lot and I'm not really used to save every 3 minutes because when you save in my laptop it takes AGES and it kinds of freezes for a little while so, I hope you understand my problem. SORRY! **

**I also wanted to thank all those wonderful people who read and reviewed my fic. This chapter is for you!**

Chapter 2

It was Monday lunch and Severus still hadn't seen his Hermione. He was starting to get worried because she never missed classes, let alone his lesson. He knew she wasn't sick because he had gone to the Hospital Wing to look for her with the excuse of that if Poppy needed more Dreamless Sleeping potion.

He was walking towards the teachers table in the great hall when he heard someone calling his name behind him. He turned around and to his surprise it was Ronald Weasley.

"Sir, I was just wandering if you knew what happened to Hermione sir" he said.

"I do not know what you mean, Mr Weasley"

"Well you see, when she came from Hosmeade yesterday she was crying because of her boyfriend"

Severus was confused. She hadn't told him about that lie so he raised an eyebrow. "What?" he asked.

"She said something about how could be stupid to trust him like that when he has that type of reputation and stuff sir" said Ginny Weasley who was sitting in front of Ron.

"And we asked what happened and she said she had just saw her boyfriend cheating on her with that dumb blond girl" continued Ron.

Severus kept silent for a while, consumed in his thoughts. Could it be that Hermione saw when Sarah had kissed him?

_XxXxXxXxX Flash Back XxXxXxXxX _

_Severus was taking a walk through the safe part of the forest. He loved the smell of the trees and the sound of the leaves rustling under his feet. He heard a girly giggle and he turned around expecting to see Hermione. Unfortunately it was his ex-girlfriend, Sarah._

_He was confused at finding her there because he knew she now lived in France. His old coldness towards people came back to him as he remembered how she had dumped him for Jonathan Gamble, the comic book guy that lived down the street, a few blocks away from him._

_He turned back around to continue with his walk, but her hand on his chest stopped him._

"_Well Severus, aren't you going to say hello?" she asked playfully, bringing her leg up to his hips._

"_What do you want, Sarah?" he asked coldly, trying to hide his tensed muscles as she sensually took his hands so he could touch the skin in her uncovered legs, her miniskirt was rising up dangerously. He stopped her and she got in front of him, holding his face in her hands._

"_You" she said before she had kissed him._

_XxXxXxXxX End Of Flash Back XxXxXxXxX_

"Did she say the name of the girl?" he snapped.

"No sir" said Ginny "Do you know her sir? I mean, the blond girl".

"Miss Granger is the only girl who is not blonde in our whole area. For her they are all dumb blond girls but she usually has a second insult to name her so she can tell who is who".

"Well she did mention a dumb blonde _bitch_, sir" said Ron nervously at the swearword.

Severus' heart missed a beat and he went paler than usual. His eyes were open wide as he got that through his brain. Shit, Hermione _had_ seen him…he knew how hurt she must've been if she saw him kissing his ex with his hand on the tights, but if she knew what happened next…

_XxXxXxXxX Flash Back XxXxXxXxX_

"_What the hell are you doing?" yelled Snape, ending the kiss almost immediately._

"_I want you back, puppy" she said trying to kiss Severus again but he stopped her._

"_You left me for Gamble and you just want me back because he left you" he said._

"_Yeah, so? I know you want me, puppy, I can see it in your eyes"._

"_I already have a girlfriend Sarah and I love her. I'm over you, anyway"._

_He smirked at the hurt face of the blonde. It then changed to an angry face that wanted to make him laugh._

"_You will regret this Severus, and when you do, don't go crawling back to me because its too LATE!" she yelled at him. She then turned around and walked back to the town._

"_Don't worry I WONT!" he yelled back at her._

_He then turned around to go back to the castle, happy to have turned her down without knowing that a certain brown-haired girl was running back to the castle as well, but this time her eyes filled with tears._

_XxXxXxXxX End Of Flash Back XxXxXxXxX_

"Weasley, tell Miss Granger that she as a catch-up detention with me at 9:00" he snapped to Ron and Ginny. They were about to answer him he stopped them.

"And if she doesn't want to come out of her rooms tell her I will personally go and get her from the Gryffindor's tower. I know there is an other entrance through a portrait on the left corridor of the fat lady that goes directly to the girls room" he added at the confused faces of Ron and Ginny. "Its her fault, anyway. That's what she gets by dating a player of 25".

**Yeah, so that's all for now, I will soon update you the rest. Please review and be as critic as you want because I need a little help with the writing. And please, if something doesn't make a lot of sense its because of my stupid English, my vocabulary is not as good as I will like it to be.**

**THANK YOU! **


	3. Explanations

**ok... what i got to say is... I AM SOOOOOO TERRIBLY SORRY! i know i havent written anything in a long and i got no excuses fror that so... please forgive me!but heeeeey... here we go... an other chapie... hope you like it**

**For all you lovely readers who read this fic...I love you all!**

**Diclaimer: i do not own non of the HP characters. If i did, i would be too busy with Severus making fireworks... (I understand myself)**

Chapter 3

That night Severus was waiting impatiently for Hermione to come as he had a lot to explain to her.

When he heard a knock in the classroom's door he jumped.

"Come in" he said nervously.

It was Mione. But she somehow looked different. She wasn't the same confident, full of life girl with messy hair he used to see. She entered the room shyly, looking to the floor. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and he could notice because of her eyes, swollen and red, that she had been crying all day.

He felt down seeing her lovely brown eyes so sad, so he promised himself he was going to be honest with her in the most sensible way possible.

"Hello Hermione" he greeted her.

"Good evening Professor Snape. I'm sorry I missed your class today but I had a few problems I had to take care of" she said avoiding his eyes.

"Look we got to talk. I know how you must feel horrible…"

"Damn straight!" she snapped. Severus gave a sigh.

"I was walking through the forest when I heard a giggle behind me. I thought it was you so I turned around and I saw…"

"Sarah, your ex. And all of the sudden your all love for her came back and you kissed her, and of course, SHE LET YOU" interrupted Hermy.

"Snape, I really do not want to know what were your reasons. I saw what I saw and that's enough for me" she added.

"She wanted me back" said Severus.

"Oh and I'm sure you accepted immediately" said Hermione trying to hide her sadness in her sarcasm.

"No, I said I had a girlfriend already…"

She rolled her eyes.

"…and that I loved her" he finished.

She snorted. Severus came from behind her desk and approached her. He took her chin and gently he raised her head so he could look straight into those brown eyes that made him breathless.

"Its true. I love you Hermione Granger and always will. Since the moment you kissed me that night you have made every single second of my life brighter. You have shown me that life isn't that crap if you look at it from an other angle. I have learned how to appreciate every touch, every look, every kiss to the point I cant live without it. You have giving so much happiness…"

"Then what a great way to repay me!" she growled.

"Please don't do this, please." he begged.

"I don't want to be the same grumpy old dungeon bat I once was again. I really love you and if I have to prove my love for you in front of the whole school to make you understand how much I need your forgiveness I will, and I wont care what will happen to me afterwards, as long as I know you forgive me my life has a meaning" he added.

He knew those words were true because they came from inside him, from his heart. Even though he could never say exactly what his feeling were but this time he had thrown everything away and let his heart talk, he didn't have nothing to loose. Severus hoped she could notice that.

"So… What do you say?"

She looked away and said:

"I think we should just be friends"

Severus looked down and gave a sad smirk.

"You might as well pierced my heart with an axe" he said before running back to his room, leaving Hermione alone.


	4. What happened next

**I am sooooooooo sorry for not having posted anything in so much time…. Not a lot of excuses so Im not gonna even bother lying to you, my lovely readers. This chapter is a kind of an "Apologize" chapter…. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the hp characters and Im not getting any money by making this.**

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Chapter 4

What happened next

Severus had been broken for the first week. Everyone in the school knew that something had happened to him because his temper got to his lowest point in history. He would take 50 points even from his own house if a student breathed too loudly, not to mention what horrible fate a student would have if their potions went wrong.

He wasn't angry at them; it was just the alcohol he drank to make the pain go away at nights that made him so moody in the mornings. Maybe it was his own fault as he could use a Hangover Relief Potion, but that wouldn't have been right because for him the hangover was an important part of the alcohol treatment he had submitted himself to.

By the second week he was half-recovered from the breakup. By half-recovered he meant that even though he still drank like if the world was going to end but he could now think properly and not plan how he was going to kill Sarah to calm himself anymore.

He and Hermione had said that when she came down to detention he invited her to go back to London to go and finish him off.

Then Severus said that when they were walking down the street after he had punched the man senseless he, for once in a lifetime, wanted to be nice to Hermione, who was supposed to be crying, so he wrapped him arm around her. Of course, tough as his luck was, here comes Severus' girlfriend and she sees him with his arm wrapped around another woman's shoulders and has a jealousy attack in the middle of the street. Snape said he didn't recognize her so he sort of blanked her but that made it worse.

She slapped him in the face and _then_ he recognized her. She started shouting about how she turned down all of her lovers for him and he couldn't even keep his hands of other women while he tried to explain that he was doing her a favor and staying with her because she was going through a rough time. No one believed him and as people started to gather, they both got nervous. He tried to calm his girl but she was having none of it and kept shouting stuff about how he couldn't stop flirting with other women no matter their age (at this point she pointed at Hermione who was sitting on a bench trying to get away from the fight until it cooled down).

So much people was gathering and Severus was so annoyed he told her that if she was so angry at him it was over because he wouldn't stand to be with someone that didn't trust him enough to let him go out with a friend alone and that had the nerve to slap him in the face in plain public.

The crowd went silent as Severus turned around to look for Hermione, who was lost in the crowd. When the crowd started to move out and the gossiping between witnesses and friends hid the sobs coming from a woman who was crying her eyes out he finally found Hermione giving her number to a group of fit boys. After a good telling off from Severus, they went back to his place where they flooed back to Hogwarts, with him giving her a whole speech of how insensible women can be.

Yeah, it had been the best story they had come up with so far and McGonagall and Dumbledore had been the first to hear it.

They were in the Headmaster's office because he had told them that that day he came to see how Miss Granger was doing and that Snape wasn't treating her too toughly but they weren't in the dungeons when he came so he wanted an explanation. He knew it wasn't like Snape to let his students in detentions go unpunished regardless of their situation so they might have been trapped if it hadn't been for their quick thinking.

It had been fun when they had told him that story because they never came up with as excuse and that story was pure and a simply perfect improvisation. They both laughed hard about it when Dumbledore finally believed their lie and dismissed them both, reminding them that they never had to leave Hogwarts without his knowing again. Their smile grew faint as they both remembered they weren't going out anymore so they said goodbye and parted each to a different direction, as far as they could from one another, with sad eyes and a broken heart.

By the end of her 6th year Hermione was much, much better but still wasn't completely over him. No, it would take more than a few weeks to get over him, to forget his kisses and his love letters, his looks and the way his eyes shined when he looked at her, the night when he loved her 'till the sun awakened with them still hugging and kissing, how he used to tell her how much he loved her in a million different ways…

But still she was looking forward to the first school holidays alone at home, it was only a week to go and she thought she would make it.

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**well... thats all for now... hope you like it... if not please tell me what i need to improve... i will try to make longer chapters but for now this will have to do till my wrist stops hurting so much when i write...**

**L8ers!**


	5. When things get worse

First off…. Im not even gonna bother saying excuses about my not updating. I have been the laziest person on earth… I hope this chapters makes that up.

For those who didn't understand the last chapter (I don't know what was I on when I wrote it) let me explain:

1. When H and S were in detention in chap 3 Dumbledore went to see S wasn't too hard on her. He was surprised to see it had long since finished so he wanted an explanation because never in Hogwarts history a detention with S had lasted less than hour.

2. S and H (can´t be bothered to write their names) lied about what really happened and said that they had gone to see H' bfriend so it would all end. But unfortunately they met S bfriend n she gets a jelousy attack. He dumped her right there and then.

Hope its all cleared now!!!!!

And without further ado the 5th chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeeepeeeh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What made it all worse

Chapter 5

Severus missed Hermione badly. He missed her touches, her kisses, her perfume… He missed her laugh, her smile and those beautiful brown chocolate eyes that looked at him, warming his whole body with one look. He missed their afternoons together, the times when she would read a book out loud to him by the fire or when he would cuddle her in his arms and tell her how beautiful she was. Only God knew how much he missed her.

One summer evening he took a walk around the gardens. It was a dark, cold night, the Scottish wind blew strongly towards him, but he didn't care. At that moment he felt like dyeing.

The ministry of Magic had claimed a new law, the Marriage Law Act. It said that every muggleborn people from 17 to 40 years of age must marry a pureblooded wizard by the end of the month or else. Else was being exiled out of the British magical world. Tears were falling from his eyes as he remembered Dumbledore telling the staff. He didn't cry then because it would have aroused suspicion but now that he was alone he couldn't stop.

He had lost his Hermione forever.

Or that's what he thought….

"Severus, I'm afraid that I have bad news. You see, there is a girl in the school whose talent we must save from exile. Her abilities, if taught and learned correctly, could help the Order tremendously as it could help the world in many other different ways. We _must_ do something about it" said the Headmaster

Albus had summoned him to his office because he had something to ask o him. He didn't understand before but now it was becoming clearer…

"She is a muggleborn and as you already know she must get married by the end of the month and because you are the only single man in the Order… well, I though you could ask her to marry you so we don't loose her and her genius."

Severus' heart missed a beat at this. After everything he had done, after everything he had sacrificed, fought, bleed, been tortured for how did Dumbledore have the guts to ask _that_ of him? To get married against his will! The nerve of him! He just couldn't believe it. Dumbledore knew he loved his freedom and he knew he had just broken up with a long-term relationship girlfriend. He was pale with shock.

"Now, I know I've never asked you something as big as this but please consider it. If you do this people would think you better and so much as a Death Eater. In addition, I think you would like the company of a brilliant wizard, not the usual kind of girl you usually date but not at all ugly."

"Albus, if I marry I would thought as a pervert and she a Slytherin's whore. Besides, if I marry a student her own classmates, for being the wife of a teacher would take their frustrations on her because I took away points or gave them detention. Also, it would arouse suspicion that why, having plenty of other choices in the matter I chose to sleep with a student because no one would think about her abilities being jeopardized by a Death Eater who hasn't been caught yet because most people choose to ignore was in front of them and the Dark Lord's war would be the last thing they would think about. So you can take all people thinking differently about me bullshit and stuff it up your…"

A knock on the door interrupted him. He turned around just as the door opened.

"You for called me, sir?" asked Hermione Granger as she came in. She stopped half way when she saw Snape. She had a puzzled look in her face.

"Yes Hermione, please sit down" said Dumbledore. As she did so, he took a long list out of his drawer. "About ten minutes ago came this letter from the Ministry with the names of all the men who have made a proposal to you. I believe you know what I'm talking about." She nodded coldly. "This list not only contained an amazing amount of two hundred men- which could be about 4 pages long- but if you look at the names closely you would be able to tell that these are all Death Eaters or sons of such".

Hermione nodded silently as the Professor handed her the list. Severus looked up to it and, to his disgust, that the names of "Draco Malfoy", "Vincent Clabble", "Gregory Goyle" and "Blaise Zabini" were first on the list.

"Of course my dear, I wouldn't let you marry any of these men; they are far too dangerous for you" continued the Headmaster. "That's were Professor Snape comes in".

Hermione gave Severus a quick, scared glance and looked back at Dumbledore. He continued before she opened her mouth.

"I know that you must be thinking that I must be mad to tell you that you are to marry one of your Professors but I urge you to think about it. If you two get married, you would be able to keep seeing your friends here in Hogwarts, you would be able to continue with your education and you would be much safer than in hands of people who would give you to Voldemort in a blink. You would have the same freedom you had before, just a little bit limited".

Hermione and Severus stared at Dumbledore in disbelief. The man did not have a clue did he?


End file.
